Poetry Life and Mind-ful Things

Archive for the ‘feelings’ Category

My Heart Did Beat

From the very beginning unbeknownst to me

My heart was cheated, my mind dashed to shreds

I knew not at all, unseen as the ghost

Your words spoken, time over time over time

My heart did beat for want of love, it did

My soul did swim in fields of dreams

It swam to the beat of love’s deceit

Dauntingly you preyed on innocence

 Stripping the heart that stood before you, over time

You cared only for you, loving only you

Taking my heart’s beat, for love, my soul

Your eyes did hide intent to bare

Unloving kindness, you beast!

I saw not over time what you were

Who you are

For my heart did beat for love

Your lies graced my being, tarnished my soul

The air about filled with your stink of deception

Time over time, you unruly beast stayed

Because my heart did beat for love

Whispers tickled, reaching deep within

My mind swirled in dreams to the beat

Deep to the beat of wanting, not knowing

Your true intent to think only of you

How I wonder, could this be so long

Time over time, in this space of time

I missed the hint as it fluttered by

Was it my choosing to do so indeed?

I am now a shell of what I am, a hollowed frame

Stripped to the core, my now mindless soul

Empty, but wanting to feel

Love’s true beat in this heart stained blue

Each beat now aches with painful beats

Echoes through a loveless soul

You have taken, never given to me

My need to feel, to know the love

My soul hungered for, years over time

You slothful beast uncaring in greed

To be who you are, to have no soul

Go away! Come to me!

For my heart wants to beat for love

My Signature

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I Spoke Too Soon

I may have spoken too soon when I mentioned how bad it wasn’t here, concerning Hurricane Sandy….not thinking about what may happen elsewhere. It began to unfold as I got bits and pieces of what was happening north of us while I was at work today.

As I sit here watching the news, the devastation is coming to light. I almost feel as if I was being selfish, but I posted that before the northern portion of our area had been hit. Still for me, it doesn’t lessen the blow.

The loss of life and property is mounting and so does my feelings of being an idiot.

Lessons are learned in so many different ways. I wish I didn’t have to learn this one.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the families who have lost loved ones and to the survivors who will recover from this change that has taken hold of their lives.

















Time’s Relevance

Time’s relevance is irrelevant at times
Other times, so vastly important
Seeking to achieve one’s destiny
Time waits for no man at all times


Man’s purpose, sought by man throughout
In degrees that vary for purpose in life
Some to persevere in want and need
By others in disillusionment and despair


Flashing moments portray accomplishments
Times even to them who feel failure
Remember one and all, remember
Time’s relevance, in the hands of one

                                                         

Out Of Place

I haven’t felt much like writing lately and it feels awful. I’ve almost felt like going into hibernation or I’m already there.

The strange thing about this?….a lot of good things are happening around me that affects me directly or indirectly, but still I encounter the doldrums. As always, I know this won’t last but nonetheless it takes the fire from the coals that would heat.

No, I am not sulking or in dismay, I am just at a point of stagnation…kind of like a car out of gas and instead of filling the tank, keep turning the key in hopes it will soon start.

Maybe I’ll realize soon that I need to open the car door, retrieve the gas can and walk to a gas station to fuel the car.

They’re All Miracles

Welcome to the Second Edition of the  Black Birth Carnival. Hosted by Darcel of The Mahogany Way Birth Cafe and Nicole of Musings From The Mind of Sista Midwife.
The Topic: Not Without Our Fathers. So often we talk birth in women circles. We celebrate birth within the feminine community and forget that without the fathers our birth experiences would be non existent. June 17th marks the day many will celebrate fathers in this country. With that in mind we came up with our topic for this installment of the Black Birth Blog Carnival.
This post you will be updated with live links by Noon, linking back to the other participants posts.


I don’t know what the stats are for men of color to be present when their children are born, but I for one wouldn’t trade that for anything. It is definitely life changing. 

I remember when TheWife was in labor at the hospital with Darcel. We didn’t know if we were having a boy or girl. I didn’t know if I was going into the delivery room or not. We didn’t attend any of those Lamaze classes (heck, I don’t know if they had them back then). So it’s time for her to go in and it wasn’t until then I was told to get myself ready. I’m in there nervous and ready. TheWife was in labor for hours so it wasn’t very long after, Darcel was born into this world. I was soooo happy and all smiles….I was so up there I knew then that as a man, that was the ultimate human experience. You see firsthand and robe yourself in as close a birth experience without giving birth, that you will have for the rest of your life. You see what the woman in your life goes through ….I can only imagine how home birth fathers can put into words their experiences.


Now Reg was a totally different experience. Apparently TheWife and her grandmother had made plans for the labor time at the hospital to be minimal…without telling me. I knew it was time for us to leave and couldn’t figure out what in the world they were waiting for. Her grandmother finally says it’s time to go. I’m driving like all get out but don’t take the freeway because it’s late with hardly any traffic. I keep checking on her to make sure everything is ok. We’re just about there and I could almost tell by the way she was positioning herself in the seat that things were getting or had already gotten to the point of, we really need to be at the hospital. I miss the turn into the parking lot, get it turned around and she says she’s not going to be able to go in so I run in and tell them my wife is having a baby and I remember a nurse getting a wheelchair and I told her it was beyond that. Before you know it my car is almost surrounded….next thing I know, Reg is born. I didn’t get to see his birth, (I was crowded out) but it was an experience I will never forget.

Experiencing child birth up close doesn’t stop with mine…I have had the pleasure to be there with two of My3Grands. Kiah was the first and Samuel was the third. Although I wasn’t there for Ava’s birth I still feel as if I was a part of it because TheWife and I were watching Kiah during Ava’s home birth. We got updates by phone from DaddyCharles. When we got the ok to come to there place, it still felt magical….like we were there the whole time.


I’m not sure if I captured the moments in words, what I had experienced with these five loving souls that are in my life. I don’t know if I am a different person versus not having the experience of child birth, but there is one thing I know for certain….the sounds of a woman struggling through the stages of labor, into giving birth….the sounds of a baby’s first cry, the sounds of joy expressed by all….can never be taken away….they are all miracles.



Please take the time to read and comment on the other participants posts. Shahmet at Adia Publishing: A Father Before Birth Reggie at WhatrUWorkinon?: They’re All Miracles Nicole at Musings From The Mind of Sista Midwife: #BlackBirth Not Without Our Fathers Darcel at The Mahogany Way Birth Cafe: Are Men at Birth Important? Alexis at The Ivy Expansion: A Fathers Love Mavhu at F.W. Hargrove: I Birth At Home Twitter Hashtag #BlackBirth

The Ending

June 1st marks the ending of the first six months of 2012. Thinking ahead….I wonder what all of those superstitious people are gonna do about next year…..anyway, my mind goes to all of the resolutions that have been broken or never made it out of the gate. It’s been awhile since I’ve done the resolution things….very long time.


I penned the poster below November 12, 2011. I’d have to do a little more digging to see when it was first published on my blog or my CafePress website. It may sound cliche but I do get inspired when I read it. I wrote it in a way that whoever reads this, can apply it to themselves….the question at the end?….I ask myself, what have I done since the last time I read it. Sometimes I am so angry with me because I’ve missed easy ops, but I know there are more doors ahead. There are times when I muster a smile or two just knowing I am able to even try to pursue dreams. I frustrate myself by trying to do too much at one time….multi-multitasking. I love it when I get that giddy feeling.


I’m more determined than ever to reach for goals, achieve them and reach for more. I’m not going to wait until the beginning of the year to start my new year. Right now I feel as if I’m making that turn….you know the feeling….you’ve been on THAT road for such a long time you can tell that the scenery is starting to change. It’s such a good feeling.


I did edit the wording on this new poster…I took out the words “have to” on the third line and replaced them with the word “can” and did a little realignment with the rest.



I’m going to be posting pictures in a couple of weeks and I would very much  your advice, opinion, input. I’m going to have a few small giveaways during the month of June so it would be a good idea to tell your friends to like my Facebook page. That’s a few of what’s up and coming….gonna ride this wave as far as it will take me.


If you’d like to see this in a different flavor you can go here.
  

It Doesn’t Take Much

I took these pictures in our back yard earlier today.


It doesn’t take much to appreciate the fact that change is on the way.
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