I have been wanting to post for a few days now and I have talked myself out of it several times. No, this won’t be a boo hoo, sad sob post, but an acknowledgement. One that I have known for as long as I can remember. It’s in the title of the post.
As an example.
On some of my morning walks, I walk past a construction site. Right around Thanksgiving, I’m walking and look up and noticed pumpkins on top of a hill. The type of hill that is formed at a lot of sites as they move soil in preparation for the work, or soil that is hauled in.
Now, for one of the things I’m really bad at, not capturing the moment, I smiled and kept walking and for several days since. But as December rolled in, something must have dropped on my head because I took a couple photos.
It seems different now than when I first spotted them up there and could be why I’ve talked myself out of writing the post. But what I find more intriguing is the fact that either these construction workers put them up there or someone else did and they are still there.
In the end, it’s really nothing but pumpkins on a hill at a construction site. But at the same time, it really is…something.
As I get older, the years definitely come and go faster and faster. I’m going back almost two years with the image in this post. The one above was created February 10th of the year indicated in the design. I have used the MyQuesMark design in so many ways the length of this post would scroll almost forever if I were to include them.
As I read this particular design, it hit me pretty hard because I know that I allowed some things to distract me and take me out of my game plan. Towards the end of this year 2013, my emotions were at the innermost depths of frustration fed despair. I do know that all is not lost…that light shines even in the darkest moments.
I’m ready for the new year and what awaits.
No matter how positive you try to be, bad things happen….I choose to acknowledge that. Some see that as having a negative attitude….I see it as reality. There is strength in failure and mistakes, falling down. The weakness is staying down.
I’m battered and bruised…and I wear my scars proudly. God won’t put anything before me that I cannot handle. He never said that some things won’t hurt or bring me to my knees….maybe that what He wants….me on my knees.
Love IS hard but it is the only glue that bonds a relationship through the moments that are trying, for one or both in love. I’m sure thoughts and feelings of is it really worth it enter any relationship. That is only answered in the heart. How much can it take? How long does it sustain strength to endure…ensure…it will have what it desires, needs, wants in fulfillment and satisfaction.
Tenderly strong is the heart. Powerfully weak as well. Baffling it is by the decisions made because of it. It is that organ tied so in touch with that emotion called love….that feeling….embedded by the Master of love.
So fragile it is in the center of it all…in body and relationships.
All it wants?…to be loved. It’s that asking too much?
My most recent days have been focused on things around me. My mind is being filled with the events of the days in appreciation for what has become a part of my life in some ways. That covers such a wide span of categories I now I can’t cover them all right now.
I have been taking pictures of clouds hanging above us. Looking at them and noticing they are as close as the wave of my hands above my head. The different layers of what looks like cotton balls or stretched pillow stuffing across the sky. At the same time I realize what it would take for me to be in the same area as these pieces of nature make their way through this space in time.
The trees that block our view from things we want to capture in memories, photo albums of the mind. Those same trees giving us shade, shielding us from the heat of the sun that hangs in the heavens, providing more than just light and heat…giving the sustenance for our lives.
Noticing things we take for granted as simple as a light pole…that seems such a part of our surroundings, we don’t even see them anymore…as significant as they are.
So much has become of our world that simple things are insignificant anymore. The many doors that blot our journey, contain changes in our lives. Many doors will go unopened…waiting to reveal a shading tree, cotton masses in the sky, a star that is placed at the perfect spot for this planet to thrive. Just a moment….a space in time….for the days of the mind.
Sometimes we have to make adjustments that require us to deviate from our normal scheme of things due to unforeseen circumstances. How we handle those situations define, to a point the character that make up our being. Defining moments have a tendency to strengthen our character…or they can make us weak. Who we are at this moment in time, could derive from the lessons taught by others and the lessons learned from life. Attempts to get through it all by way of deception is of no benefit to the deceiver as much as they may think it is. They learn no true values of life and reap the hand they play. For the recipient of the deceptions, much is learned and they in turn grow wiser. Good sound wisdom passed on, generates a fire that burns deep into the minds that seek knowledge for the betterment in life. Circumstances are a necessity that is required for growth, and growth is necessary in life.
I’ve noticed that some of my old post have been read lately and that has given me a curious look myself. I’ve opened a couple of them to see what I’ve written and noticed that I’ve done some experimenting along the way since I started this blog. I recently deleted my second most read post because I wasn’t really thinking when I wrote it and I thought it may have been offensive to women. Thinking back, I was angry not at women, but with TheWife and just happen to blurt out loud my frustration and the post really had nothing to do with why I was upset with her. In general I am happy to say that my blog hasn’t really changed although I have done some experimenting. This post…World Class gets a lot of reads and reflects the core of my blog. I believe that life in general is our place of learning. Not taking away from text books, but they can’t give what life itself does. If we can’t learn from life, all the books in the world are useless….that’s just me. Life Has…is another post that has been read most recently by a few people. After reading this again brought to mind a post I had written about Steps. Reading these reminded me of the style of poetry I like to write most although I have written a little on the dark side. A stroll down memory lane has brought back the experiences I have in writing this blog and what I’ve learned along the way. It’s not a very popular blog but I do appreciate my followers and those who happen to drop in unexpected. I keep moving along and I’ll see what this journey has in store.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about many different things. Some of it making me very angry, some making me think even more, some giving me feelings of despair, and some giving me answers.
Early in my life, I had been taught to take responsibility for what I do and I have done that for the most part. I am far from being anywhere near perfect and I acknowledge that. I have made many mistakes that I take the blame for. I hurt when I hurt others.
When others make mistakes that affect me, I try to remember that they too are human and mistakes happen. But when the same types of mistakes happen on a consistent basis I have a problem with that. I know we are suppose to forgive, but the Lord knows I have trouble with consistent mistakes. When and where is the line drawn? I know too we are to forgive at all times.
In this skin that is humanity, it is very difficult…all too easy to hate those that do these things to us. But in the end, it is I who will suffer because of not forgiving. I will be the one whose bones will ache and drawn into a state of depression and despair. It is my mind that will be filled with bitterness that is best used for the betterment of my life and for those around me while they that choose to live a life of doing what they do continue to do what they do, whether knowingly or not.
The importance of forgiving is just that…very important. The effects of harboring unforgiving thoughts is far more damaging than one can imagine. It has no benefits that will be good for me.
I am really struggling at the moment and I know I need to turn this around. I need to stop looking at what has happened over the past few years and move on. I have a lot of positive things going on and I am thankful for that.
Humility is hard to swallow. Perfection was given only to the one true God and He said that we are to forgive because He knows that if we don’t…it is we who will suffer…and we are to leave the rest to Him.
Reading has taken on a technological turn and more people are reading on electronic devices and when I saw this it brought to my mind the art of reading a paper book.
I don’t remember how I found this one but it definitely caught my eye. The first click of the picture took me to Britta Nickel’s Tumblr blog/page which is linked to Sweet Southern Nightsalso on Tumblr. On Sweet Southern Nights you will find an array of photos that range from A to Z.
I may have spoken too soon when I mentioned how bad it wasn’t here, concerning Hurricane Sandy….not thinking about what may happen elsewhere. It began to unfold as I got bits and pieces of what was happening north of us while I was at work today. As I sit here watching the news, the devastation is coming to light. I almost feel as if I was being selfish, but I posted that before the northern portion of our area had been hit. Still for me, it doesn’t lessen the blow. The loss of life and property is mounting and so does my feelings of being an idiot. Lessons are learned in so many different ways. I wish I didn’t have to learn this one. My thoughts and prayers go out to the families who have lost loved ones and to the survivors who will recover from this change that has taken hold of their lives.
Sometimes I think I have to justify being critical about what I do or want to do to achieve the goals I have set. It has not been easy for me to push forward to reach for that gold ring as the wheel goes around. I think of the setbacks and how hard it has been for me to regroup, breath, forgive AND forget. It is so hard to keep a frame of mind to NOT let things keep me from accomplishing what I know I am capable of doing. It is so easy to listen to that voice telling me to give up, quit, it’s not worth it, OR that it can’t be done. Telling me that no one really cares or wants what I have to offer. Sometimes I start feeling and believing that. I do want to stop and I do hear myself say those words, breathing sighs of discouragement. Yes it is easy to drop it all after losing so much in preparing for this moment in my life…when just a few short years ago I was tool ready and now starting from scratch. I could let these emotions fester like a sore and destroy me, but then I’m asked if I still make Shadowbox Clocks and I say yes and now find myself custom designing an 8 x 8. I do have a lot of things going on and I do intend to keep moving on and NOT giving up. Yes I am hard on myself at times but it’s a good thing. As much as I would like to post on a regular basis, I’s getting busy for me and it may get quiet here, but…