Poetry Life and Mind-ful Things

Archive for the ‘life’ Category

Who Noticed?

I can’t believe I have gone five months to the day since my last post. No, I didn’t plan a comeback on the exact date for this post to happen. I was curious to see when my last post was published so I stopped for a second to find out. But….who noticed? I’m sure I lost a few followers during this time span, but I also gained some. I wondered who would follow me even after they saw the date of my last post…or did they? It could have been a link that brought them here and that was enough for them to see what I may have to offer.

Did you notice that I had “disappeared” from the face of blogging for (in the blogging realm) an eternity? Did you wonder why my presence was nonexistent? So many times I sat, wanting to peck away at these keys to tell my story. Did I not have anything to say? Nothing to report? I’m not sure if I have the answer to those questions. One thing I do know I had….time.

Since the death of my 43 year old nephew from a heart attack last year in July, and losing my 2 oldest brothers to prostate cancer, my oldest one year and my second oldest the following year, it was time to take stock in myself to see where I was physically. Yes I know many people are able to continue writing and keep up with their social networks no matter what the circumstance, but I didn’t. I’m not going to try to explain away the why’s or why not’s pertaining to my absence, but I will give some insight.

For some time, I had been working part time and I was able to get more done with the extra time I had. When the opportunity presented itself for a full time position, I couldn’t pass that up. I had no idea at the time it would be as demanding of my time as it has come to be. I’m not complaining about that….just stating the facts. My work days start getting out of bed at 5:30 in the morning and not getting home at times before 6:30 or 7 in the evening. Although my job status has changed from the warehouse to the office, I’m still mobile to a great degree which requires me to make several trips out to the warehouse for different reasons. My steps add up to 2 to 5 miles a day…at work alone…not counting any other steps that add to my day. I’m ordering parts, searching for parts, pulling parts, receiving parts, shipping parts to other parts of the country to our other warehouses. It can be exhausting, but also rewarding. I really like my job, but it does wear me down at times.

Even though my mind feels young and I still act like I’m a twenty year old, my body reminds me of the aging process. I have to remind myself that this body is not as vibrant as it used to be…I need to slow it down. The cause of my brother’s deaths was alarming for me. Saying that, it still took awhile for me to get myself checked. The cause of my nephew’s death was equally alarming. A few days before he died, we were all at a family reunion in Cleveland, Oh and he looked good…no indications of ill health from what I could see. I met his children for the first time and we were having memorable moments…pictures being taken. stories being told and buckets being filled with laughter. I was at work when my mom called to give me the news a few days after arriving home from the reunion. Devastating. My boss wouldn’t let me drive home so he and my former boss were kind enough to get me there, one driving my car and the other followed in another. I appreciated that.

It was time. Time for me to do what I had put off for far too long. It had been years since I was seen by a doctor on regular visits. My blood pressure was high but not off the charts, but high enough to cause concern…160’s over lower to mid 90’s. Of course he asked the usual family history questions and I told him about my brothers and my nephew…and my father who also died from prostate cancer. Well that was enough for him to hear. I’m now on BP meds and my blood pressure is down to a manageable level, but still not where I would like for it to be. I’ve done self checks for reading of 140’s over lower 90’s and the doctor says that that is ok because there are some things I can do to help bring it down even more like eliminating some things that I eat and doing some exercise.

Now, my PSA levels were on the high end (0-4 is normal) concerning my prostate (mine was 9.6) so he sent me to a Urologist to get checked out. He (urologist) recommended a biopsy. That was done this past December and the results came back in my favor….no signs of any cancer. He said the elevated PSA levels were likely due to the enlargement of my prostate, which is normal for men as we age. So I’m taking medication to shrink the prostate which in turn will help my urine flow. Oh…did I not mention the fact that I was beginning to have trouble with that? Guys, if you’re not aware, when the prostate becomes enlarged it chokes the urethra which cuts the flow of the extraction of urine….not good! Get yourself checked!!

So this is where I am right now. I want to get back to blogging and also writing, designing and whatever else lands on my plate. I’m not gonna say I’m coming back like gang busters, but I am coming back.

Did you miss me?

One more thing…..#whatruworkinon

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Thanks Mom

I called my mom early this morning to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day. She said I was the first to reach her and that it was ok because she had to get up anyway. The times we talk as usual lead to other topics. I’m going to Ohio in July and it will be good to see her.

Like a lot of moms, my mom made sure I knew how to take care of myself, like cooking, cleaning, laundry. Of course as a teenager you’re not into learning those necessities of life. I don’t do too bad these days….thanks to mom.

It is always a treat catching up with my mom. We laugh and talk and she sounds younger than ever. I still get good advice and she is good at listening.

My mom has always been a big part of my life and I will never take that for granted. I often look back on her guidance and know today that raising children is no easy task. Love, gratitude, thankful, appreciation, are just grains of sand in describing how much I appreciate my mom….love you mom!

Bare With Me

Bare with me….I’m not always on top of my game.

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Textured Sky

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All I Did Was Love You

There was a time when moments were good

A time I thought I understood

Funny I never heard the words as I look back

I just knew you and I were on track

I don’t know what happened ¬†along the way

Was it something I said that made you stray?

I am disheartened to say the least

How you turned into such a beast

Your bitterness like a knife run through

We were one, but now we are two

The monster deep within you surfaced

The love I once knew was now misplaced

You took my love in more than one piece

As my beating heart did all but cease

You took this man and made it a shell

Empty and void without voice to tell

Of the bitterness bestowed to me

Warranted not from what I see

My love for you was tried and true

Count the ways, All I Did Was Love You

They Come and Go Faster

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As I get older, the years definitely come and go faster and faster. I’m going back almost two years with the image in this post. The one above was created February 10th of the year indicated in the design. I have used the MyQuesMark design in so many ways the length of this post would scroll almost forever if I were to include them.

As I read this particular design, it hit me pretty hard because I know that I allowed some things to distract me and take me out of my game plan. Towards the end of this year 2013, my emotions were at the innermost depths of frustration fed despair. I do know that all is not lost…that light shines even in the darkest moments.

I’m ready for the new year and what awaits.

No matter how positive you try to be, bad things happen….I choose to acknowledge that. Some see that as having a negative attitude….I see it as reality. There is strength in failure and mistakes, falling down. The weakness is staying down.

I’m battered and bruised…and I wear my scars proudly. God won’t put anything before me that I cannot handle. He never said that some things won’t hurt or bring me to my knees….maybe that what He wants….me on my knees.

My current Project

My current project is due to noise I had been hearing from my front end while driving. After examination I narrowed it down to the outside tie-rod end on the driver’s side.

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After I finished I took for a spin and the noise is gone, it handles better and now I have to get a wheel alignment.

A expected project  done unexpectedly.

#whatruworkinon

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