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They’re All Miracles

Welcome to the Second Edition of the  Black Birth Carnival. Hosted by Darcel of The Mahogany Way Birth Cafe and Nicole of Musings From The Mind of Sista Midwife.
The Topic: Not Without Our Fathers. So often we talk birth in women circles. We celebrate birth within the feminine community and forget that without the fathers our birth experiences would be non existent. June 17th marks the day many will celebrate fathers in this country. With that in mind we came up with our topic for this installment of the Black Birth Blog Carnival.
This post you will be updated with live links by Noon, linking back to the other participants posts.


I don’t know what the stats are for men of color to be present when their children are born, but I for one wouldn’t trade that for anything. It is definitely life changing. 

I remember when TheWife was in labor at the hospital with Darcel. We didn’t know if we were having a boy or girl. I didn’t know if I was going into the delivery room or not. We didn’t attend any of those Lamaze classes (heck, I don’t know if they had them back then). So it’s time for her to go in and it wasn’t until then I was told to get myself ready. I’m in there nervous and ready. TheWife was in labor for hours so it wasn’t very long after, Darcel was born into this world. I was soooo happy and all smiles….I was so up there I knew then that as a man, that was the ultimate human experience. You see firsthand and robe yourself in as close a birth experience without giving birth, that you will have for the rest of your life. You see what the woman in your life goes through ….I can only imagine how home birth fathers can put into words their experiences.


Now Reg was a totally different experience. Apparently TheWife and her grandmother had made plans for the labor time at the hospital to be minimal…without telling me. I knew it was time for us to leave and couldn’t figure out what in the world they were waiting for. Her grandmother finally says it’s time to go. I’m driving like all get out but don’t take the freeway because it’s late with hardly any traffic. I keep checking on her to make sure everything is ok. We’re just about there and I could almost tell by the way she was positioning herself in the seat that things were getting or had already gotten to the point of, we really need to be at the hospital. I miss the turn into the parking lot, get it turned around and she says she’s not going to be able to go in so I run in and tell them my wife is having a baby and I remember a nurse getting a wheelchair and I told her it was beyond that. Before you know it my car is almost surrounded….next thing I know, Reg is born. I didn’t get to see his birth, (I was crowded out) but it was an experience I will never forget.

Experiencing child birth up close doesn’t stop with mine…I have had the pleasure to be there with two of My3Grands. Kiah was the first and Samuel was the third. Although I wasn’t there for Ava’s birth I still feel as if I was a part of it because TheWife and I were watching Kiah during Ava’s home birth. We got updates by phone from DaddyCharles. When we got the ok to come to there place, it still felt magical….like we were there the whole time.


I’m not sure if I captured the moments in words, what I had experienced with these five loving souls that are in my life. I don’t know if I am a different person versus not having the experience of child birth, but there is one thing I know for certain….the sounds of a woman struggling through the stages of labor, into giving birth….the sounds of a baby’s first cry, the sounds of joy expressed by all….can never be taken away….they are all miracles.



Please take the time to read and comment on the other participants posts. Shahmet at Adia Publishing: A Father Before Birth Reggie at WhatrUWorkinon?: They’re All Miracles Nicole at Musings From The Mind of Sista Midwife: #BlackBirth Not Without Our Fathers Darcel at The Mahogany Way Birth Cafe: Are Men at Birth Important? Alexis at The Ivy Expansion: A Fathers Love Mavhu at F.W. Hargrove: I Birth At Home Twitter Hashtag #BlackBirth

My Feminine Side

I know I am a man. And I also realize that I have a feminine side. I don’t have a problem with this. 

I know that it is ok for me to cry. 


Yes I get teary eyed watching some scenes in TV shows or movies. I mean I don’t flood the gates, but yeah…and I’m ok with that.

I’m ok with knowing who I am. Not pretending that I care. When I express myself in anyway, I want the recipient of my actions to know I am truly sincere. 

I don’t want to go through life just getting by; that includes my emotions. 

One day I had pulled up my T-shirt designs to see where I was. As I scrolled through, I began to notice something. Most of the designs are leaning more toward the feminine market.
I sat back and looked at the screen for awhile. Then I thought, you know what?…I’m ok with this.

It’s ok for me to be in touch with with my feminine side. Instead of resisting, I have chosen to incorporate this side into my life. After all, it belongs to me. It has not given me a desire to seek out the male sex on a personal level. What is has done is to allow me to be me in every way that I can.

Men and tears is not a bad thing. I make fun of it at times, but it is actually a cleansing. Being able to release those emotions, setting myself free.

Yeah, I have a feminine side…and I’m ok with that.


Men and Tears

I’m kinda curious how this will turn out myself, but the thought came to me and it stuck.
Who can remember when  a man was not a man if he cried….show of hands please….nowadays , your not a man if you can’t show emotion. No wonder we’re confused. But seriously, the shedding of tears is not something that is shameful. Think of it as a cleansing. I’m not ashamed to admit that the flood gates have been opened from these eyes on several occasions, for many different reasons. But I can see why some guys don’t like to have a good one in a public setting because some of us have a hard time controlling it….for example, what if it called for maybe a, you know, a whimper but we begin to really get into it, we’ve got snot running out of our nose, face is contorted, our shoulders are hunching up and down….see?…this is why some of us don’t like to cry. So the next time you might be critical of a guy who just refuses to cry openly, he just might be doing everyone a favor.

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