Poetry Life and Mind-ful Things

Posts tagged ‘journey’

First Week Back

My first week back to work was more than I thought it would be in areas I hadn’t anticipated beginning with I thought I would get sleepy throughout the day. To my surprise I worked through with no problems pertaining to staying awake. I don’t know if it was the atomsphere of the workplace or just being more active. Whatever the reason….

Ok, so Monday I sit at my desk to clock in and start my day, only to find out I can’t. Apparently I wasn’t put back into the system until Monday which meant I wouldn’t be able work at my station until Tuesday. Fortunately there was a pc that would allow me get work done. I felt out of place without my bookmarks and shortcuts but I managed.

So I get through Monday and Tuesday I’m back at my familiar place. I was feeling more at home and felt as if I was getting things done. The one thing that was cumbersome for me the first few days was dealing with the pain. It was more than I thought it would be but as each day passed, the pain decreased. I believe getting back to work was the best thing that could have happened to me physically speaking. Right now I feel like I could do anything, although I know that’s not the case. Driving more I’m sure has something to do with it as well.

Now getting back to sleep for a moment. For some reason, I’m not sleeping through the night since going back to work. First couple of nights I was up at 3 a.m. to drain the fluid and I could not get back to sleep until it was close to the alarm going off at 5. The past few nights have been different but just as bad. I don’t know what this is about but I’m hoping it doesn’t last.

Overall I’m feeling good and should be riding my bike pretty soon. I’ll be glad when I’m able to start my workouts again, but will settle for riding my bike.

Each new day is a blessing to me and I’m not taking them for granted.

Good News

As I mentioned in my previous post, I had a post op follow up with my Cardiologist yesterday. The good news is he gave me the all clear to go back to work. I knew he would but actually hearing the words and holding that paper in my hands made it so much better.

After I left there, I went to my job to finalize my return to work. I had to call HR and fax the paperwork. Karen needed to know if I had any restrictions pertaining to my duties and I told her I’m not allowed to lift anything heavier than 10 lbs. So if lifting a pen or moving a mouse on my desk and shuffling paper or tapping keys on a keyboard counts…I’m well within the perameters.

I’ll tell you what may be my biggest challenge…staying awake at certain times during the day. Right now I get sleepy sometimes late morning or mid afternoon. It will probably take some fight within to overcome and I know it will not be easy. I’m already trying to make the adjustment but I’m losing the battle. I have to remember that I am still healing and this need to sleep will be with me for awhile.

So am I going back to work too soon? Not at all, because the longer I stay home the more I fall into this routine that is sleeping whenever. Once I start working more I will become stronger to make the adjustment.

The operation I had is very commonplace these days, but for me this is major. If I didn’t have the surgery, I would have developed health issues in the future that would be difficult to overcome as I grow older. I am truly thankful that God brought me through all of this and allowing me to heal at this rapid pace.

The doctors are telling me I am in good health. My heart is strong, my lungs are clear and my blood pressure is good. Still, I know anything can happen in life, no matter what foods we eat or how much we exercise. I am blessed to have this opportunity for new life and I hope I can live up to the task.

My Day Off

My day off from work this week and unlike so many other days like these, I have chosen to actually follow through physically, what my mind has been wanting me to do. I’m writing. I believe this is the longest spell of silence I’ve had since my blogging experience began. So many times since my last post, I opened my dashboard, looked at the stats and clicked the add a post button. Only to close the page and walk away. I just couldn’t follow through with the swing, or make it across the goal line. I do have things I could have written that might be of interest to you, but right now you may be more interested as to why I have been so silent.

Am I feeling sorry for myself? Just the opposite. I’m really pissed off at myself for allowing this to get to this point. I love writing, whether it’s a quick post, poetry, something about my life or life in general. Posting some of my artwork that I still want to improve on and to promote as my own brand, and of course that can’t happen if I’m sitting on my hands.

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image copyright whatruworkinon.com

See that face in the frame? That is how perplexed I feel as to why this is happening. I do have answers and at the same time, I have no clue. I do know I need to break away from this duldrum (not sure if I’m using the correct word) that has gripped me like Charlie Brown’s dark cloud.

I know exercising and eating healthier can influence how we feel physically and emotionally. Saying that, I haven’t been able to workout like I had been because of a health issue that has come to light. I’m not ready to bring it to the forefront on this blog at the moment. I will say that surgery is planned after the first of the year. If your thinking this is the reason for my silence….it ain’t so because it was during the middle of the silence I became aware of my condition. I do plan to document the before and after, maybe for my own benefit.

So because I haven’t been able to workout, I have gained some extra pounds that I can’t wait to shed. I have indulged in some foods (more like snacking) that I could really do without, but I am getting back on track. My mid-section has taken on the bulge. I want to lose at least 5 pounds before the surgery, a goal I believe is realistic without exercise.

I’ve had some tests done over the past couple of months to determine the extent of my condition and what will be needed to get my health to a healthier state. The doctors tell me I am really in good health aside from the fact I need surgery….that is good news.

We’ve come to our slow period at work which means they are keeping a close eye on the hours. Even with insurance, I’m looking at medical bills already but I’m not letting that get me depressed…down a little but not depressed.

Christmas is right around the corner and as an adult, I know what Christmas is really about. Personally, I could care less if I get a single gift. My gift right now is my daily gift from God with every breath I take. But I do have 3 grandchildren who view this time of year differently and understandably so. We will make sure they have a children’s Christmas.

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#My3Grands (photo courtesy of themahoganyway.com)

They grow so fast. There was a time when I could reach out and touch them and hear their laughter, the questions that only a child can ask with a straight face and the cries of pain or disappointment, but now we are states apart. I won’t lie….at my age, it’s nice to have peace and quiet, but I do miss them.

I don’t know if I answered any of the questions you may have as to why I haven’t been posting. There are some elements in my life I’m not totally happy about. Finances, or the lack thereof can bring anybody down. The world’s events that tops the newscasts on a daily basis….and the list goes on….but, even you know these aren’t the main reasons.

I’m generally upbeat and easy going. Laughing (at myself a lot) and making others around me laugh as well. When I do get down, I don’t stay down for long periods. I don’t know why I have allowed myself to stay away from this spot for so long.

I’m anxious to get back into the mix. I don’t want to be this silent anymore. I hope it lasts, but we all know that it’s up to me.

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image copyright whatruworkinon.com

 

Letting Go

Over the years, I had accumulated a vast array of old mail and personal papers that I had intended to shred with a shredder I purchased many years ago. These papers had grown to several boxes and because I didn’t do what I had bought the shredder for in the first place, found their way into closet space. They had also become a regular part of our moving routine as if they were furniture.

You see, I absolutely refused to just throw these papers into the trash. Addresses, phone numbers, social security numbers, tax returns….I was not going to trust this information was not going to end up in the wrong place….that’s why I bought the shredder, right? Oh, I did use the shredder when I first purchased it, and several times thereafter. But the mass of junk mail and docs and notes, and whatever else with our info on it continued to pile.

Over the past 2 months, I sat myself down in front of the television, making sure their was nothing on that I was really interested in so as not to distract me and piece by piece, junk mail by junk mail, box by box ridding myself of this unwanted pile of old.

There were papers dating back to 1997. Old tax returns, vehicle maintenance, credit card apps, you name it. I even came across an old check what seemed to be worth over $2400 dated 2011. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a real check or there was a catch in order to cash it in the first place, which is why it sat uncashed. But just for giggles, I took it to the bank….it was actually drawn on my present banking institute….to see if it was a valid check. They told me because of the date I would have to take it back to the issuer of the check. I took it back home, go online and the company is still in business. I call and explain that I have a check, not telling them the amount, but I did give the date of said check. I was transferred to someone’s voice mail and I knew then and there all I had was a trophy in my hands. I wasn’t disappointed because I knew I didn’t cash the check for a reason, in the first place.

As I said, over a 2 month period I took all of the old papers to my job and put them into our shredding bin that we are able to use, to finally get rid of a ‘hang nail’ so to speak. It really felt good knowing that was done and now I can use my personal shredder at home to stay on top of unwanted papers.

Sometimes we hold onto old ‘things’ in our everyday living….not paper….that accumulates and hangs around until they become piles of unneeded debris. We can’t or won’t let go. But holding on to those things prevents us from achieving so many new accomplishments that helps us to grow, to become better in life.

It’s just a matter of having a made up mind and taking ‘things’ to the shredder.

JOURNEY ON

I have traveled the outer of space

I have seen the thoughts of my mind

I have marveled that which has come

I have been saddened by what is missed

 

Time has stopped for moments it seems

Time has ticked the clock

Time waits for none, this truth

Time envelopes me to bondage

 

The waters rush to waves pounding

The waters cleanse to refreshing

The waters trickle to dripping motion

The waters still to lifelessness

 

Journey to travel for mind’s sake

Journey to want in need

Journey to accomplish for goals

Journey on, most of all, journey on 

Doors

Open Doors

I Find Comfort In You

There are moments when sadness overshadows

When life’s journey renders turbulence

Try as I might alone to my dismayed accomplishment

To conquer the flush of discouragement

This is when I find comfort in you

Your labor of love relinquishes my agony

The resting of your head to mine stills me

My breath of exhale is extinguished by your kiss

And I look into eyes that speak to me~fear not

The rush of my heartbeat slows to your touch

Your peace encompasses any grief lingered

Restoration is come to me

Because I find comfort in you

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