See Things For What They Can Be

Posts tagged ‘Life’

Four Finished Canvases

As promised, I’m sharing those four canvases I started a few days ago. I actually finished them two days ago but didn’t bend under my own pressure of feeling the need that I have to post every day.

finished canvases

Personally, I’m a little mixed on how I feel about these, but they will go on my wall, I will look at them and they will inspire me.

Some Me Time

Since my last post, I have been working on those four canvases that I had no agenda for at the moment. Of course all of that time was not spent on them. I had to get some ‘me’ time in there somewhere.

I play Animal Crossing New Horizons and for some time, like a lot of people, had not played for months. Then I find out a new update was on the way with some features that really sounded intriguing. So I decided to fire up the game, kill some cock roaches, pick weeds and get ready for the update. All while my villagers are telling me how much they missed me and how I must have ‘fallen off the edge of the earth‘ (not really, but they did give me a word or two about my absence and my snooties gave me mean looks).

One of the new features is having the option of villagers inside your home. I have found on a couple occasions, hard to get them out once they are in for the visit. Sometimes they will follow you from room to room and really make themselves comfy with book reading…in every room. I’m either ready to quit the game or finish up on some of my daily tasks, they seem to have no intention of leaving. I realize by now that continuing to talk to them in hopes they will say it’s been fun but time to go on their own, never comes. So I do this…

That was a few days ago and I had to do it again a couple days later with another villager.

The update is nice. It has made the game fun to play again. Maybe I’ll share more adventures ahead although I’m not good at staying on top of that. I play, not share…but we’ll see.

No Agenda, yet

I currently have no idea what these will look like as a finished project. My main goal here is motivation. To get back to this or what other crafts, ideas or writings that will come across my mind. I’m constantly throwing ideas about something around inside my head, but I have a bad habit of mostly not jotting it down or better yet, pulling out my phone and taking notes or photos.

I’m one of those who thinks I won’t forget that idea…how wrong have I been over and over again (stubborn). I’m old school. When I grocery shop, I have a hand written paper list. Now I have upgraded to a list on my phone when I intend to do a larger than 5 item shop. That’s something, right?

Well, I will work on these and as soon as they are finished I will be sure to share.

The World Must Be Flat

OK, so the world must really be flat and I fell over the edge.

It’s been almost 3 years since I’ve written anything here. I’ve been a stranger on most of my social media apps as well. A lot has happened and I was witness to it all but decided not to address any of it in writing because I’ve been in a place…a space. Floating after my free fall from the edge of earth, again because it must be flat…at least it must have been three years ago.

But during this past year, I’ve done a lot of thinking, searching and a lot of nothing as well. I tried keeping busy in some way or another. I added a new platform to my Instagram account to focus on just my artwork and found a community of like minded souls that helped to fuel my ambitious, artistic appetite. They helped me to realize the importance of knowing that art is as different as people.

It is what you make it to be. It gives each of us an opportunity to “See Things For What They Can Be”.

I really want and need to get back to what I love. I know it won’t be easy. I’ll have to push me. Get mad at me. Motivate me.

At this moment, right now, I’m angry with myself and that’s a start.

Now if I can just hang on the edge long enough to muster the strength to throw my leg up, I can get the rest of me back on solid ground.

First Week Back

My first week back to work was more than I thought it would be in areas I hadn’t anticipated beginning with I thought I would get sleepy throughout the day. To my surprise I worked through with no problems pertaining to staying awake. I don’t know if it was the atomsphere of the workplace or just being more active. Whatever the reason….

Ok, so Monday I sit at my desk to clock in and start my day, only to find out I can’t. Apparently I wasn’t put back into the system until Monday which meant I wouldn’t be able work at my station until Tuesday. Fortunately there was a pc that would allow me get work done. I felt out of place without my bookmarks and shortcuts but I managed.

So I get through Monday and Tuesday I’m back at my familiar place. I was feeling more at home and felt as if I was getting things done. The one thing that was cumbersome for me the first few days was dealing with the pain. It was more than I thought it would be but as each day passed, the pain decreased. I believe getting back to work was the best thing that could have happened to me physically speaking. Right now I feel like I could do anything, although I know that’s not the case. Driving more I’m sure has something to do with it as well.

Now getting back to sleep for a moment. For some reason, I’m not sleeping through the night since going back to work. First couple of nights I was up at 3 a.m. to drain the fluid and I could not get back to sleep until it was close to the alarm going off at 5. The past few nights have been different but just as bad. I don’t know what this is about but I’m hoping it doesn’t last.

Overall I’m feeling good and should be riding my bike pretty soon. I’ll be glad when I’m able to start my workouts again, but will settle for riding my bike.

Each new day is a blessing to me and I’m not taking them for granted.

Good News

As I mentioned in my previous post, I had a post op follow up with my Cardiologist yesterday. The good news is he gave me the all clear to go back to work. I knew he would but actually hearing the words and holding that paper in my hands made it so much better.

After I left there, I went to my job to finalize my return to work. I had to call HR and fax the paperwork. Karen needed to know if I had any restrictions pertaining to my duties and I told her I’m not allowed to lift anything heavier than 10 lbs. So if lifting a pen or moving a mouse on my desk and shuffling paper or tapping keys on a keyboard counts…I’m well within the perameters.

I’ll tell you what may be my biggest challenge…staying awake at certain times during the day. Right now I get sleepy sometimes late morning or mid afternoon. It will probably take some fight within to overcome and I know it will not be easy. I’m already trying to make the adjustment but I’m losing the battle. I have to remember that I am still healing and this need to sleep will be with me for awhile.

So am I going back to work too soon? Not at all, because the longer I stay home the more I fall into this routine that is sleeping whenever. Once I start working more I will become stronger to make the adjustment.

The operation I had is very commonplace these days, but for me this is major. If I didn’t have the surgery, I would have developed health issues in the future that would be difficult to overcome as I grow older. I am truly thankful that God brought me through all of this and allowing me to heal at this rapid pace.

The doctors are telling me I am in good health. My heart is strong, my lungs are clear and my blood pressure is good. Still, I know anything can happen in life, no matter what foods we eat or how much we exercise. I am blessed to have this opportunity for new life and I hope I can live up to the task.

The Heart Of The Matter

Four weeks ago, I had surgery to repair a leaking Mitral Valve in my heart. The symptoms I was experiencing was shortness of breath and tightness in my head when I would overexert myself….mostly at work.

I went to my PCP who referred me to a Cardiologist. After performing tests and ultra sounds, and a Catheter (I forget the medical term for the procedure) was used to get a closer look at the heart. It was this procedure that confirmed his diagnosis.

From here, I had an appointment with the surgeon who talked to me about the surgery and the two types that can be performed. The first is the conventional where they open the chest and ribs to access the heart. The second is less evasive where an incision is made above the right breast and the heart is accessed that way. It is less painful and recovery time is faster by about two weeks (4 weeks instead of 6-8 weeks).

I also had to decide on the type of valve I wanted if the valve had to be replaced. Once they go in and see that the valve has to be replaced, they need to know ahead of time if it will be mechanical or synthetic. Mechanical would mean blood thinners for the rest of my life and synthetic would mean I would have to do this again in about 10-15 years.

After my appointment with the surgeon that day, I went home and pulled up some video on the procedure and watched about five of them involving both techniques and the different valves used for the replacement and also how the repair is done. I called the surgeons office to inform them of my choice the next day which was the less evasive and also for the mechanical valve if a replacement was required.

So I waited to get on schedule for the procedure I chose…and waited. I would call the office to see if I was on schedule and was told they were waiting for equipment. Last month I decided to ask if I opted for the conventional surgery, when would I be able to get on schedule. They called me back that day and gave me three dates, all in March. I chose the earliest available which was the 18th.

So now it’s 4 weeks since the operation and I’m feeling better with each new day. I was discharged from the hospital a day early because I was doing so well. I had to use this heart for standing and for coughing, holding it tight against my chest.

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Hospital staff and some co-workers signed it for me. This pillow was really a life saver early on. I don’t use it now, but while in the hospital and after coming home, it was my companion. My first sneeze happened a few days after I got home and it came out of nowhere. My pillow was within reach but I didn’t have time to grab it…that was an intense moment and yes it hurt. I am practically pain free right now….I can handle a sneeze.

I forgot to mention, after waking in my room the first thing that came out of my mouth “was the valve repaired or replaced?” I was told it was repaired, to my delight.

My discharge papers had instructions and some arm exercises that I needed to do. As far as walking, instead of keeping track of the distance, I was to keep track of the time I walk and increase that each week. I can do a 20 minute brisk walk with no problem.

I see my Cardiologist in a few days and I’m really hoping to get the all clear to return to work. I know I still have a lot of healing to do and I’m conscious of my limitations.

I know it sounds crazy, but I’m bored.

 

 

Misty

Is it in the early of the day?

The center of time which dissects the whole?

Maybe the dark of the night where light is deep

In the far reaches of the universes

It matters not when the mist is made known

Or the ingredients that causes this event

As in the laughter of children at play

The loss of one loved so deep

Viewing a moment as the heart swells

And the mind absorbs all that is before you

Overflowing with emotions want to express

These are eyes that do not run as the falls

But wet just enough, to become misty

Is That A Bird? #Twitter

Yeah, It’s A Bird

I had purchased music software a couple years ago that I had totally forgotten about. That is because I upgraded from Netbook to Desktop to Laptop, and during the transition some of my software was buried.

Ok, so I come across my forgotten software by the name of MAGIX Music Maker (and no I’m not doing a review for the company, but I do like it) and start to mess around with it. I check out some of the loops and come across one titled Twitter. I play it and let it loop a few times and I begin to put a little something together, but even before it’s finished I need to give this mix a title. I wasn’t sure if I could name it #Twitter and I didn’t want to spend the time researching that idea. So I titled it Yeah, It’s A Bird. It took me a few more days to finish it and a few more days after that to finalize it. To be honest, I may do a bit more tweaking even though I have it uploaded to SoundCloud.

I actually have three more mixes completed now for a total of 4 but they are not uploaded at this time. I do have them on a disc and play them in my car. I will say that the quality of the sound is better on disc than I had expected. The format uploaded is MP3, while I burned the WAV format to disc.

By the way, did mention that there are no lyrics? I don’t sing, but I do plan some experimenting in the future. This mix is 8 minutes and 6 seconds in length. I would love it if you were to hop over and have a listen and by all means, please come back and let me know what you think.

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My Day Off

My day off from work this week and unlike so many other days like these, I have chosen to actually follow through physically, what my mind has been wanting me to do. I’m writing. I believe this is the longest spell of silence I’ve had since my blogging experience began. So many times since my last post, I opened my dashboard, looked at the stats and clicked the add a post button. Only to close the page and walk away. I just couldn’t follow through with the swing, or make it across the goal line. I do have things I could have written that might be of interest to you, but right now you may be more interested as to why I have been so silent.

Am I feeling sorry for myself? Just the opposite. I’m really pissed off at myself for allowing this to get to this point. I love writing, whether it’s a quick post, poetry, something about my life or life in general. Posting some of my artwork that I still want to improve on and to promote as my own brand, and of course that can’t happen if I’m sitting on my hands.

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image copyright whatruworkinon.com

See that face in the frame? That is how perplexed I feel as to why this is happening. I do have answers and at the same time, I have no clue. I do know I need to break away from this duldrum (not sure if I’m using the correct word) that has gripped me like Charlie Brown’s dark cloud.

I know exercising and eating healthier can influence how we feel physically and emotionally. Saying that, I haven’t been able to workout like I had been because of a health issue that has come to light. I’m not ready to bring it to the forefront on this blog at the moment. I will say that surgery is planned after the first of the year. If your thinking this is the reason for my silence….it ain’t so because it was during the middle of the silence I became aware of my condition. I do plan to document the before and after, maybe for my own benefit.

So because I haven’t been able to workout, I have gained some extra pounds that I can’t wait to shed. I have indulged in some foods (more like snacking) that I could really do without, but I am getting back on track. My mid-section has taken on the bulge. I want to lose at least 5 pounds before the surgery, a goal I believe is realistic without exercise.

I’ve had some tests done over the past couple of months to determine the extent of my condition and what will be needed to get my health to a healthier state. The doctors tell me I am really in good health aside from the fact I need surgery….that is good news.

We’ve come to our slow period at work which means they are keeping a close eye on the hours. Even with insurance, I’m looking at medical bills already but I’m not letting that get me depressed…down a little but not depressed.

Christmas is right around the corner and as an adult, I know what Christmas is really about. Personally, I could care less if I get a single gift. My gift right now is my daily gift from God with every breath I take. But I do have 3 grandchildren who view this time of year differently and understandably so. We will make sure they have a children’s Christmas.

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#My3Grands (photo courtesy of themahoganyway.com)

They grow so fast. There was a time when I could reach out and touch them and hear their laughter, the questions that only a child can ask with a straight face and the cries of pain or disappointment, but now we are states apart. I won’t lie….at my age, it’s nice to have peace and quiet, but I do miss them.

I don’t know if I answered any of the questions you may have as to why I haven’t been posting. There are some elements in my life I’m not totally happy about. Finances, or the lack thereof can bring anybody down. The world’s events that tops the newscasts on a daily basis….and the list goes on….but, even you know these aren’t the main reasons.

I’m generally upbeat and easy going. Laughing (at myself a lot) and making others around me laugh as well. When I do get down, I don’t stay down for long periods. I don’t know why I have allowed myself to stay away from this spot for so long.

I’m anxious to get back into the mix. I don’t want to be this silent anymore. I hope it lasts, but we all know that it’s up to me.

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image copyright whatruworkinon.com

 

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